I need a pocket translator...

I know it's cliche for girls to say they don't understand guys and vice versa. But how I am feeling that right now! There are quite a few guys in my life (as family members, acquaintances, friends, and perhaps more than friends). And there is not a-one I understand. For those men who are very close to me (i.e. my father and brother) I have learned to interpret certain sounds and actions and I can get a rough understanding of their meaning. But I do not understand what drives a man. What makes him do what he does. What excites him. What upsets him. This problem is compounded when I don't know the guy well. Usually I end up completely misunderstanding guys' actions. And mostly in that I assume all guys just want to be friends and are very rarely ever interested in anything more. When it comes to guys, I need things spelled out for me. And that just doesn't happen. I need a translator for guys. "This statement REALLY means _____. " "This gesture means he wants to _____." "This comment indicates _____." Yes, a book or program like that would be wonderful. And would probably save my butt and keep me out of a great deal of trouble. I'm fairly certain the opposite sex would also greatly benefit from such a thing in regards to women. Why has no one invented this?