Update on Life

It's been a while since I've updated.  Life is becoming pretty busy and moving along at an alarming rate.  I've been working for a week and half so far, and it's turning out to be a good fit for me.  I work in Towson and have an office job, which is what I really wanted.  My days are pretty busy and I'm having a little bit of a hard time keeping up with everything, but it's all good.  My daily schedule is as follows:

I get up a little after 6:00 am and exercise until a little after 7:00.  I then shower, eat breakfast, and prepare my lunch.  I head out to work around 8:30 with my tea in hand.  I start work at 9:30 and leave around 5:30.  I almost always go to Starbucks on my lunch break, which I absolutely love doing. ^^  I arrive home around 6:30 and eat a little dinner and relax for the evening.  Around 9:00 or 9:30 I do yoga to stretch and relax before bed.  I try to get to bed between 9:30 and 10:00 so I can get enough sleep and be rested for work the next day.

My schedule isn't overly exciting, but I like it.  My favorite parts of my days are drinking my tea on the way to work, lunch break at Starbucks, and  yoga before bed.  Because I get up so early in the morning I, understandably, get tired earlier in the evenings.  That's the only thing I'm not very fond of.  I love evenings and like to stay up late, but with my schedule I'm not able to do that.  But other than that, I'm really happy with how everything is going right now. =)

Although I enjoy working in an office and I like what I'm doing, I do really miss teaching.  I didn't realize I would miss it this much.  I also very much miss college and studying.  I still am holding out hope that some day I can get my MA and PhD and become a professor.  It's really surprising to me that I miss teaching this much, but it is my passion and thus understandable that I would miss it.  I'm not sure how long my dreams will have to be put on hold, but I certainly hope it won't be forever.  Until then, I have a good job that I enjoy and I'm learning a lot from it.  

In other news, Kevin is back home and I am absolutely loving it.  It is so great to have our family back together again.  I'm having a lot of fun spending time and talking with my big brother, it's something I wouldn't trade for the world.  I'm glad that he has changed his mind some about living in Korea for the rest of his life.  I didn't realize how very much I missed him until he came back.  It's really nice to be able to go out as a family and have a great time together. =)

Life and Death

Recently I have become slightly addicted to watching episodes of Bones (I'm finally caught up to season 5 ^^).  Last night as I was watching it I was struck by the idea of death and eventual decay of the body.  Every body that is examined in Bones is pretty horribly mangled, decayed, or just a pile of bones.  Because of my strong aversion to blood and anything gross I usually turn my head when the body being examined is shown on screen.  And I realized how important beauty and shapely bodies are to people.  And yet, we all end up looking pretty awful and disgusting after death.  Obviously that thought is not very comforting, but it is true nonetheless.  People spend some much time obsessing over their looks and striving so hard to be considered "beautiful" by today's standards.  Yet, that will all eventually fade away.  But what will not fade away is the impression and impact we have on people.  Unless a person is pretty insanely overweight, after their death people will likely forget the exact shape of their body; but what they will not forget is a kind heart and loving spirit.  Why is it that people strive so hard to look good on the outside and make an impression on people with their looks, yet they put not even half of that effort into making their heart beautiful?  That is what will really last.  After the body has been reduced to dust, the memory of a person's heart, attitude, and spirit will live on.

"So Long Self"

Earlier today I was watching the music video for MercyMe's So Long Self and it got me thinking a little.  Obviously in all of us there is some bad, some ungodly desires or thoughts.  Watching that music video made me think how nice it would be if all we had to do would be to separate the bad from the good in us and then lock the bad in a room.  How simple things would be.  One struggle to rid yourself of bad and then it would be over.  From that time on all you'd ever even want to do would be good.  As it is, we have to constantly be fighting against the bad in us.  Sometimes I think that a physical battle between us and the devil would be easier than the war that really does rage within us.  

So Long Self 

Hopes and Dreams

I have these ideas of what I want my  life to be and what I consider the perfect, fairytale life.  I don't know if these dreams of mine will ever come true, and perhaps I'll change my mind about what I want later on, but to me, now, this seems like the most ideal and perfect life:

I would live in the city (a relatively safe city that is) surrounded by tall buildings and coffee shops with a few little parks scattered throughout.  I would get up early in the morning to exercise, eat breakfast, get ready for the day, and then stop by my favorite coffee shop on the way to work.  I would have a professional job that was interesting and where I would be challenged and learn new things.  I'm not sure yet what exactly I would like it to do...but I have a few ideas.  I would like to spend my evenings reading, walking around the city and parks with friends, engaging in intelligent and stimulating conversations, or studying.  I would frequently enjoy operas, plays, and concerts.  I wouldn't need hundreds of friends, just a few close ones.  A core group of us that would hang out often and really get along.  Of course we wouldn't be exclusive, we would always be reaching out to people, but in the end, there'd always be us.  I want to have an amazing umbrella and walk around the city when it's raining.  I want a library of hardback classics.  I want to spend time with my family; bonding, laughing, and just being together.  I would always be improving my mind and learning new things, especially languages.  I may not be the best landscaper, designer, or cook, but my home would be comfortable and pretty, and my meals would be nutritious and appealing.  I would spend my weekends shopping or going on day trips with my friends or family to museums, the ocean, art galleries, or New England states.  At the end of the day I could reflect and know that in some small way I improved myself and brightened the day or lightened the burden of some person.  

And that is what I consider the perfect life.  At least for now.  Someday Mr. Right would come along and things would change, but in a wonderful and magical way.  Then our family would grow, and then I'd have a new kind of "perfect."  But until that time, this is what I hope for and dream about.

Experiences change us

It's really amazing how much experiences change a person.  I'm just now realizing how much I've been changed by a few recent experiences, namely the one where I was involved in a house fire and the other when I was harassed by two men.  Both of those really changed how I think and see things.  Because of the house fire and the intense fear I felt when it was thought that both my homestay parents were in the burning bedroom, I now have a great fear of fire and losing those close to me.  Because of the two men that had evil intentions toward me I am now afraid of men, darkness, and being alone.  Before both of those situations I lived my life with a certain amount of caution, but did not worry or think very much about danger or something bad happening.  I guess I was of the mind-set that, sure, those bad things happen, but they don't happen to me.  I definitely learned otherwise.  

After getting away from the men and a possibly very very bad situation, I never went out at night alone again while I was in Korea.  I also began sleeping out in the living area with my sister from that night on so I wouldn't have to sleep alone.  Even now I feel intense fear when I go out alone at night, even when I'm in the car driving.  I also am very sensitive to fire and any odd smells in the house.  I'm always trying to look out for those I love and I do my best to dissuade them from doing something that I think might harm them (such as lifting and moving heavy objects or climbing ladders).

I know there is a fine line between a healthy awareness of danger and being overly afraid.  I think two months ago I was blissfully and foolishly unaware of danger; now I've swung to the opposite end of the spectrum: being painfully aware of the evil and danger in the world.  I now need to work on finding a balance.  I'm not trusting God as I should if I am constantly afraid or worrying about possible perils.  I need to put my life and the lives of my loved ones in His hands.  But I must never forget to take wise and balanced precautions before doing something or going somewhere.  

In a way, I'm grateful for the experiences because by them I have grown.  I learned lessons and I now know that I can handle extreme hardships with God's strength and power.  I also can plainly see God's active hand of protection in my life.  I know that since God protected me and got me through those harrowing experiences, He can and will get me through anything else I may have to face.

The beginning of a new chapter...

I thought I would begin this new chapter of my life with a new blog.  I'm putting the past behind me and looking on to the future.  A fresh start, so to speak.

Having just finished college, I'm entering the next phase of my life.  I'm currently looking (quite frantically ^^) for a good job.  Nothing has come up yet, put I'm trusting God to bring me to just the right job at just the right time.  Until then, I must learn to trust His hand and wisdom.

I am hoping to develop balance, motivation, commitment, and more skills in this new stage of my life.  Hopefully this blog will serve as a reminder to me to keep growing, keep looking forward, and to always live a melodious and God-pleasing life. 

=)