The snow flies in circles outside the window.  It's been snowing for days and the wind is picking up, tossing the snow around and landing it in ever growing snowdrifts.  Inside it's warm and cozy.  But my mind better reflects the beginning blizzard outside rather than the calm of my house.  Having had a lot of free time on my hands recently has left me considering my future and trying to decide where I'm going and where I want to go.  I have so many dreams and desires, and yet I'm not actively pursuing any of them.  I feel as though my life is getting away from me and I'm not living it to the fullest.  Honestly, in a way, I want to grow up and really start living my life.  However, on the other hand, I just want to have fun and not have to be weighed down by a lot of responsibility.  I'm sure that is due mostly to my age.  But I don't want to waste any of my life trying to figure out what to do rather than going out and doing it.  There are so many different things I could do with my life, so many different roads I could take.  How do I choose just one?  How do I decide which one to at least start on?  Half my heart is pulling me abroad...and yet the other half desires to stay close to my loved ones.  How do I marry those two drives?  Sometimes I want to run away to a different country with the intent of starting over, a clean slate.  Other times, I want to stay near my family and loved ones and never leave them.  So many goals, dreams, desires, and interest seem to fight each other for my attention.  I often feel pulled in a hundred directions.  But I'm sure that someday I'll figure out a way to have them all co-exist peacefully in my life.  I hope...

I wonder what it's like to wear your heart on your sleeve.  I've spent a good portion of my life hiding my own thoughts and opinions to make room for others'.  Keeping my own feelings locked up inside to protect myself.  There is a safety in that.  And yet, there is also a burden.  Would it be freeing to express what I'm really feeling and thinking?  Would I feel stronger not working so hard to keep my true feelings concealed?