Hopes and Dreams

I have these ideas of what I want my  life to be and what I consider the perfect, fairytale life.  I don't know if these dreams of mine will ever come true, and perhaps I'll change my mind about what I want later on, but to me, now, this seems like the most ideal and perfect life:

I would live in the city (a relatively safe city that is) surrounded by tall buildings and coffee shops with a few little parks scattered throughout.  I would get up early in the morning to exercise, eat breakfast, get ready for the day, and then stop by my favorite coffee shop on the way to work.  I would have a professional job that was interesting and where I would be challenged and learn new things.  I'm not sure yet what exactly I would like it to do...but I have a few ideas.  I would like to spend my evenings reading, walking around the city and parks with friends, engaging in intelligent and stimulating conversations, or studying.  I would frequently enjoy operas, plays, and concerts.  I wouldn't need hundreds of friends, just a few close ones.  A core group of us that would hang out often and really get along.  Of course we wouldn't be exclusive, we would always be reaching out to people, but in the end, there'd always be us.  I want to have an amazing umbrella and walk around the city when it's raining.  I want a library of hardback classics.  I want to spend time with my family; bonding, laughing, and just being together.  I would always be improving my mind and learning new things, especially languages.  I may not be the best landscaper, designer, or cook, but my home would be comfortable and pretty, and my meals would be nutritious and appealing.  I would spend my weekends shopping or going on day trips with my friends or family to museums, the ocean, art galleries, or New England states.  At the end of the day I could reflect and know that in some small way I improved myself and brightened the day or lightened the burden of some person.  

And that is what I consider the perfect life.  At least for now.  Someday Mr. Right would come along and things would change, but in a wonderful and magical way.  Then our family would grow, and then I'd have a new kind of "perfect."  But until that time, this is what I hope for and dream about.

Experiences change us

It's really amazing how much experiences change a person.  I'm just now realizing how much I've been changed by a few recent experiences, namely the one where I was involved in a house fire and the other when I was harassed by two men.  Both of those really changed how I think and see things.  Because of the house fire and the intense fear I felt when it was thought that both my homestay parents were in the burning bedroom, I now have a great fear of fire and losing those close to me.  Because of the two men that had evil intentions toward me I am now afraid of men, darkness, and being alone.  Before both of those situations I lived my life with a certain amount of caution, but did not worry or think very much about danger or something bad happening.  I guess I was of the mind-set that, sure, those bad things happen, but they don't happen to me.  I definitely learned otherwise.  

After getting away from the men and a possibly very very bad situation, I never went out at night alone again while I was in Korea.  I also began sleeping out in the living area with my sister from that night on so I wouldn't have to sleep alone.  Even now I feel intense fear when I go out alone at night, even when I'm in the car driving.  I also am very sensitive to fire and any odd smells in the house.  I'm always trying to look out for those I love and I do my best to dissuade them from doing something that I think might harm them (such as lifting and moving heavy objects or climbing ladders).

I know there is a fine line between a healthy awareness of danger and being overly afraid.  I think two months ago I was blissfully and foolishly unaware of danger; now I've swung to the opposite end of the spectrum: being painfully aware of the evil and danger in the world.  I now need to work on finding a balance.  I'm not trusting God as I should if I am constantly afraid or worrying about possible perils.  I need to put my life and the lives of my loved ones in His hands.  But I must never forget to take wise and balanced precautions before doing something or going somewhere.  

In a way, I'm grateful for the experiences because by them I have grown.  I learned lessons and I now know that I can handle extreme hardships with God's strength and power.  I also can plainly see God's active hand of protection in my life.  I know that since God protected me and got me through those harrowing experiences, He can and will get me through anything else I may have to face.

The beginning of a new chapter...

I thought I would begin this new chapter of my life with a new blog.  I'm putting the past behind me and looking on to the future.  A fresh start, so to speak.

Having just finished college, I'm entering the next phase of my life.  I'm currently looking (quite frantically ^^) for a good job.  Nothing has come up yet, put I'm trusting God to bring me to just the right job at just the right time.  Until then, I must learn to trust His hand and wisdom.

I am hoping to develop balance, motivation, commitment, and more skills in this new stage of my life.  Hopefully this blog will serve as a reminder to me to keep growing, keep looking forward, and to always live a melodious and God-pleasing life. 

=)